I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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