i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
