You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
