it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
