it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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