He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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