he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
