I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
