I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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