Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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