i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
