found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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