OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
