I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
