The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
