the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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