theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
