do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
