Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
