when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
