"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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