I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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