We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
