I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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