You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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