I've blown a few things in my day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
