Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
