i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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