I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How does one acquire holy water?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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