i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
