i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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