i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
