We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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