So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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