just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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