Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize