Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
