Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
