you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
