Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
