you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
