I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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