And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
