then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
