ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
