My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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