and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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