I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
