So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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