one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
