He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
