Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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