Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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