I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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