JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
