I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
