I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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