My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
